The Fullmetal Alchemist Holiday Collection
by MoonStarDutchess
Summary: This is a collect of Fullmetal Alchemist related holiday song parodies. Comedy. Completed Merry Christmas everyone!
1. Riza the Gun Toting Lieutenant

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Christmas Collection**

**Song 1 :Riza the Gun Toting Lieutenant **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the song this parody's. This parodys Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer**

**AN: I was told it would be a good idea to form a collect of these since I've written a bunch. So here they are! Hope you enjoy them. **

**Note: Remember this is comedy and anything goes.  
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**Riza the Gun Toting Lieutenant**

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Riza the gun-toting lieutenant

Had some very shiny guns

And if you ever saw them

You'd get the urge to run

All of the other soldiers

Used to beg and cry in vain

They always pleaded with Riza

Because they didn't want to be maimed.

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Then one raining evening

Roy really did say

Scar I will defeat you here

Riza hold my gun, will you dear?

Then she kicked him off his feet

And he fell on his ass

Riza shot him a stern look

And then called him useless crap. . .

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**AN: Hope you liked it! Please drop a review if you wish. **


	2. Not With Edward

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Holiday Collection**

**Song 2: Not With Edward**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the song this parody's. This parodies Deck the Halls.**

**Note: I mean this as no offense to those who support the Ed/Envy pairing. Its just for comedy reasons. From the point of view of Envy.  
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**Also, I know that "Gay" in the original song means happy. **

**This is been gay person approved per my friend Connor. lol  
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**Not With Edward**

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I am not sleeping with Edward

Fa la la la la la la la la

He is not playing with my pecker

Fa la la la la la la la la

I am not donning gay apparel

Fa la la la la la la la la

Nor am I playing a female

Fa la la la la la la la la.

Yet as all the years pass

Fa la la la la la la la la

I'm still using Edward's ass

Fa la la la la la la la la

We do nothing like that together

Fa la la la la la la la la

Don't keep each other warm in cold weather

FA LA LA LA LA LA LA LA LAAAAAAAAAAAAA!

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**AN: Please Review**


	3. Al the Suit of Armor

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Christmas Collection**

**Song 3: Al the Suit of Armor  
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**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the song this parody's. This parody's Frosty the Snowman  
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**AN: This doesn't fit the song exactly but it's amusing.  
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**Note: Remember this is comedy and anything goes.**

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**Al the Suit of Armor**

Al the suit of armor, was pleasant as a whole,

With a grey tint and a loincloth and a child's attached soul.

Al the suit of armor, is still a child, that they say

He was made of soul and Edward knows that he'll be back to normal one day.

There must have been some miracle in that alchemy Ed did,

Al came back as a suit of armor, which made Winry flip her lid.

Al the suit of armor was as alive as he could be

He could hold Ed back with no effort at all when he screamed just like a banshee.

Clankety clank clank Clankety clank clank

Look at Alphonse run

Clankey clank clank Clankey clank clank

To keep Ed from maiming someone.

Al the suit of armor knew he'd be back to a boy one day,

So he said, let's study and be good friends ,with the colonel and his aide.

All across Amestris, they journeyed far and wide, to find a stone that could bring back, all their flesh and hide.

It led them to some homunculi, who just could not die, no matter how many times they stabbed and no matter how hard that they tried.

Ed sacrificed himself to save Alphonse one day, Al begged no but Edward had to go on his way.

Flashily flash flash flashily flash flash

Look at Edward go

Flashily flash flash flashily flash flash

Through the gate to the world we know!

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**AN: Please review if you wish. They are loved of course. **


	4. Oh Come All Ye Women

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Christmas Collection**

**Song 4 : Oh Come All Ye Women  
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**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the song "Come All Ye Faithful."**

**AN: This one is short so I have made up for it by posting two parodies instead of one. **

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**Come All Ye Faithful**

O Come All Ye Women, big assed and big breasted

O Come Ye, O Come Ye to Jean Havoc…

Come and behold me, instead of Roy Mustang

O come and don't look at him,

O come and don't look at him,

O come and don't look at him,

The Flame Alchemist

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**AN: Please review if you wish it. They make me happy! LOL **


	5. Running From the Flame Alchemy Attack

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Christmas Collection**

**Song 5 :Running From the Flame Alchemy Attack  
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**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the song this parody's. The song tune for this is Walking in a Winter Wonderland.  
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**Running From the Flame Alchemy Attack**

Roy Snaps, Are you running?

Oh, you think you're really cunning,

It's quite a sight; you're in quite a plight,

Running from the flame alchemy attack.

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The surroundings, are flying by you

If you don't hurry, you'll get a boo boo

He snaps a few times, and you're gonna die

Running from the flame alchemy attack.

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In the meadow, you know there's no hiding,

There's no use thinking you'll be all right

You pray that he'll miss you if he sees you,

Instead, you'll end up shitting yourself tonight.

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Later on, you'll perspire.

As Roy prepares, to set you on fire

You'll finally learn at last,

Not to slap Riza's ass

Running from the flame alchemy attack.

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**AN: Reviews? Any Carol Parodies you'd like to read?**


	6. Joy To Edward

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Holiday Collection **

**Song 6: Joy to Edward  
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**Author: MoonStarDutchess  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the Song "Joy to the World"**

**AN: This one is short as well so you get two chapters this time too. **

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**Joy to Edward**

Joy to the Edward, he grew an inch

Even though it was just a pinch

Now he takes up slightly more room,

And he really feels like singing,

He really feels like singing,

And he! And he…feels like singing.

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Joy to Edward, his height has increased,

His shortness is slightly ceased,

While people can't tell, he grew at all,

He repeats his sounding joy,

Repeats his sounding joy,

Repeats! Repeats! His sounding joy!

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**AN: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays to all of you! **


	7. No Sex For Christmas

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Holiday Collection **

**Song 7: Havoc's Getting A Nuttin For Christmas**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess and Kian England  
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**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the Song "Nothing for Christmas" **

**AN: Slightly sexual but not enough to be M. The credit for the parody subject goes to my boyfriend Kian.  
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**No Sex for Christmas**

I hit her butt, got knocked on the head,

Lady bitched at me

I tried to get in her bed,

Lady bitched at me

I spilled some ink on her new dress

Gave her boob a caress

Much to her blatant protests

Lady bitched at me

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I'm not getting laid on Christmas

All of the ladies are mad

I'm not getting laid on Christmas

Cause I've been kicked in the nads.

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I pulled out Riza's chair,

She fell in the floor

I got her a bow for her hair,

That said, "I'm a whore"

I tried to take her to lunch

She gave me a knockout punch,

Wonder what got her panties in a bunch

Riza bitched at me.

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I'm not getting laid for Christmas

Riza won't be on her back

I'm not getting laid for Christmas

Cause Roy set fire to my sack

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I won't be seeing a naked woman

Because the ladies are mad at me

They won't come to see me because

All the ladies are mad at me

Next year I'll be better made

Safer waters I will wade,

That way I might just get laid

Ladies all bitched at me…

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So I'm getting no sex for Christmas

Because I can barely stand.

I'm getting no sex for Christmas

Just going to use my right hand.

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So you men better be good, whatever you do,

Cause if you're a cad you'll have to use your hand too

Or you'll get a nuttin for Christmas!

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**AN: Please review. **


	8. Nagging Roy or Not

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Holiday Collection **

**Song 8: Nagging Roy or Not?**

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the Song "Jingle Bell Rock" **

**Note: Figured I'd post the last of these before the horror that is my family descends upon my home. My boyfriend is preparing the armour now... LOL! The two previous parodies and this parody song were requested by Miamay Tsuikia-Kage no Miamay. **

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**Nagging Roy or Not?**

Should I stop, should I stop nagging Roy or not?

It's awfully fun, when Riza is concerned.

He loves her; I know it, without a doubt

So should I continue to open my mouth?

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Should I stop should I stop nagging Roy or not,

It's so much fun to watch his forehead vein pop

Dancing and prancing in his office full of joy,

Just to annoy!

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What a right time,

Just the perfect time

To nag and nag away

It's a nag time, at lunchtime

To convince him Riza needs laid.

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Giddy up Roy boy

Pick up a wedding Ring

And get down on one knee!

It will fill me with so much joy

And I won't have to nag you

Won't have to nag you

Won't have to nag you anymore!!

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	9. Stop the Snow

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Holiday Collection**

**Song 9: Stop the Snow **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the Song "Let it Snow" **

**AN: This one is less funny and more sweet and amusing. **

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**Stop the Snow **

Oh the weather outside is frightful

And though the fire is delightful

But since there's no where I can go,

Stop the snow stop the snow, stop the snow

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It doesn't show signs of stopping

And my Riza is surely calling

But since I cannot go,

Stop the snow, stop the snow, stop the snow

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I want to go over to Riza's tonight

But I can't go out in the storm

I want to hold her tight

Because she is oh so warm

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I hear the doorbell ringing slightly

And my goodness Riza is here I'm hyping

So since I have her to hold

Let it snow let it snow let it snow…

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	10. Night Before Christmas FMA Style

**The Fullmetal Alchemist Holiday Collection**

**Song 10: The Night Before Christmas (FMA Style) **

**Author: MoonStarDutchess**

**Disclaimer: I don't own FMA or the poem "Night Before Christmas" **

**AN: This isn't a song but I just has to finish these off with this. **

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**The Night Before Christmas (FMA Style)**

Twas the night before Christmas when all through the city

Not a person was sleeping, because things were too busy,

They went last minute shopping, without a care

And Roy Mustang, just happen to be there.

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The people were shopping, trying to get things done,

Roy had almost all of his presents: except he lacked one

He couldn't get her a scarf; she didn't need a new hat

He knew Riza Hawkeye, didn't need things like that

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When out of nowhere he saw people scatter

He moved out of the way from some crazy bastard

The man was loaded down with tons of new toys

Like he had a bunch of girls and boys

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Then he paled slightly, yet was quite amused,

To see that it was his best friend. Maes Hughes.

He laughed and thought Maes deserved critical acclaim

But then paled again, when he heard his name.

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Hey Roy come help me I'm in quite a plight,

I don't know if I can carry these toys tonight.

Roy quickly helped him with his heavy load

They sat down on a bench and conversation flowed.

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Why are you out here shopping so late?

I figured you and Riza had a hot date.

Don't you usually go out on Christmas Eve?

That is what you've always told me.

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I'm trying to find her a very good gift

But I am having a difficult time doing it.

Can't get her a new clip, she has too many

Maes my friend, I've looked all over the city.

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I see, my friend that seems quite a chore.

May I suggest a jewelry store?

I think they may have just the thing!

Why don't you buy her an engagement ring?

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Roy sighed; it would be a huge step in his life

But he liked the idea of Riza as a wife.

He stood up and turned to Maes,

I think you might be right, today is the day.

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He left Maes there crying happy tears

He'd been trying to get Roy to propose for years

As he watched Roy walk in the jewelry store out of sight,

He knew that it was going to be a good night.

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Roy picked out a ring, and walked over to Riza's

When he proposed she nearly went to pieces

I hope this poem made you happy and sigh

You knew I was going to end this collection with a bit of sweet Royai.

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**AN: Hope you liked these and have a awesome christmas. Much loves and huggles! MSD**


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